textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I have feelings that need drinking.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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