There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you inspire me to be a worse person
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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