this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
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Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
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Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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