Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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