im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
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she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
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I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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