Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
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When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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