so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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