My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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