There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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