Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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