my phone needs a breathalizer
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize