he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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