The maid of honor just puked.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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