I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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