I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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