She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
And then my night got REAL pukey
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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