good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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