Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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