I don't think brook has ever known best
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
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He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
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I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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