So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize