were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize