I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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