take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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