Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize