Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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