well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize