Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize