I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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