i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
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I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
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the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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