also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
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This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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