I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
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Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
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It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We need to get me chipped asap
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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