I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
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I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
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All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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