OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Is it penis luge time yet?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize