NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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