I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
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