Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
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He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
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