and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize