Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
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Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
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I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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