just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
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i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
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Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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