this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
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His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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