How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize