last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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