WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
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My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
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You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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