Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
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you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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