She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize