youre lurking in front of me
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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