She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
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I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
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He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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