i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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