I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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