Pregnant stripper...not hot.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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